Hire Nephew

2nd-level Procurement & Resourcing

Casting Time: 1 action, no Headcount Approval check required
Range/Area: Self
Components: V, S, M (a family relationship, and a job title invented for the occasion)
Duration: Until a creature with sufficient standing over the caster notices and objects, which rarely occurs
Classes: Founder, C-Suite, Board Member

You conjure one full-time employee, filling a budget line whether or not one currently exists. Unlike Conjure Headcount, this spell is unaffected by a Hiring Freeze and requires no Headcount Approval check of any kind.

The conjured employee’s competence at the assigned role is determined randomly rather than by any evaluated skill, and any resulting disadvantage on relevant checks does not improve with onboarding, tenure, or feedback.

While the caster retains sufficient standing within the organization, any attempt by another creature to performance-manage, reassign, or dismiss the conjured employee — including a Reduction in Force targeting their team — automatically fails against that one creature, though it may succeed normally against everyone else in the area of effect.

At Higher Levels. When cast using a spell slot of 3rd level or higher, you conjure one additional relative for each slot level above 2nd, each independently protected as described above.

Flavor: “Excited to share that [Name] is joining our team as VP of Special Projects! Grew up around the business and brings a unique perspective.” — LinkedIn post, 4 comments, all from family members